Last night was incredible. Our chemistry was like magic and I cannot wait to go out again. I think he could be the one. Typical story right? Well flash forward two days and has your date from the other night called you yet? Are you trying to replay the night, analyzing everything he said and did? Well he probably lost his phone. Or maybe you’re too accomplished for him and he feels threatened? Or he’s probably just playing the game and waiting to call you. WRONG! Why do women tell each other these lies? The truth is He’s Just Not That Into You. This movie featuring Ginnifer Goodwin and Justin Long, should be like a bible that instructs women through dating. The book He’s Just Not That Into You defines the idea that if he is interested he is going to call. So why is that so much easier to admit than accept?
1) Romantic comedies have poisoned our thoughts
The Ugly Truth, What’s Your Number?, Just Friends, 27 Dresses, Crazy, Stupid, Love., Clueless, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, The Proposal and I could keep going on for days naming more movies where a man and a woman look like they are never going to end up together but then they go through some struggle and sooner of later they fall in love and live happily ever after. No matter what they always end up together and usually we enjoy watching them beat the impossible circumstances to come together. But for women these movies trick us into thinking unrealistic relationships work. These ideas have been instilled in this generation since Disney. But when we take a step back we need to remember magic doesn’t exist. Ariel, in The Little Mermaid, would have never been with Eric had she remained a mermaid. Rom-Coms also emphasize the chase.
2) We love the chase
Romantic Comedies tend to focus on the “Chase” factor. The guy doesn’t like the girl so she plays games, changes her self to fit his type, or my personal favorite she goes after the bad boy to change him and be the exception to the rule. The chase is the fun and dramatic part of the relationship where it is all about making the other person want you but making them work for your affection. It is also the time when there are the most rules such as who calls who first. The chase is all about proving you’re good enough to catch. However one key thing you need to know which can change the whole game is…
3) We do not understand what’s going on in a man’s head
Not all men are as complicated and as judgmental as Christian Grey from Fifty Shades of Grey. Men are not judging how well our shoes match our necklaces and they do not really know the difference between Clinique and Revlon. They are simpler than we make them out to be. “If a girl gives me her number that’s cool because it means she can be assertive, but typically if it’s a girl I am interested in I’ll give her my number or I’ll get her’s somehow” said Alex, a senior fraternity member at the University of Southern California. “Games get old,” said Alex. Women always over think what men say but we need to think on their level. The obvious level. But why is this hard?
4) We biologically become more attached in relationships than men
Due to our body chemistry, we become more emotional, compassionate, and more attached in a relationship than men. “We just have higher levels of estrogen and while yes, we can get emotional, estrogen also makes us more compassionate than our testosterone-fueled counterparts” (A New Mode) Women also release a hormone called Oxytocin in large amounts during sex which gives us that “warm fuzzy feeling that only a strong connection can bring.” Our body is sending signals to our brain that we want connection so we convince ourselves we want to be in a relationship.
I am not anti-relationships and I do not mean to tear your romantic dreams apart, but as someone who has experienced heart ache and has been blinded by love waiting for hours to get that text or phone call, I have come to realize it’s not worth it. If he feels the same way as I do he’ll contact me. My theater teacher told our class that, “you are most attractive when you are focusing on something else and immersed in that.” As far as I am concerned, that statement is brilliant. Things happen when you’re not expecting them and not looking for them. Based on his wisdom, this is how I am approaching relationship from this point forward…
- If this relationship is not going to work out, it will not be the end of the world.
2) Take Your Time
- Patience is key. If you two are both ready, you’ll know. You have time so don’t rush things. This will help you make sure your on the same page and this will also help you realize what you want.
3) Make a Move
- I do not mean jump the other person when you see them. I mean let them know you’re interested but be cool about it. “You’re a really cool guy, we should hang out sometime.” It can really be that simple. The truth is he may not know where you stand and a little nudge could be all he needs to realize that. Also by putting yourself a little out there you’re going to find out if you should pursue anything or not so this will save you time.
4) Focus on You
- Make sure you’re happy with you first. When you are confident and happy with who you are people notice that. If you focus on yourself and what you love, you will be ready when love comes along.
5) Broaden Your Movie Taste
- It’s not healthy to just watch Rom-Coms.
6) Seek Relationship Advice
- There are tons of magazines that can help you learn how a man thinks and what women who are in your position do to get out of their rut, Cosmopolitan is my favorite. You can also take your questions online, like Nikki said in her blog, Single & Ready to Mingle…Online; tons of people are finding love on the Internet. But what I would recommend is finding a BGF. A Best Guy Friend. He will be able to give you personal insights on the male brain and he may even give you some pointers on how to break into the male heart.
I am by no means an expert on relationships but I have learned from my mistakes and so far this approach has been working for me. Do you have any tips to approaching relationships? Or do you have a Rom-Com that sticks out to you after reading this?